What Do I Want For My Kids? What Do I Want For Our Days?

My question at the end of my last post was:  How do I transition in all of this? How do I grow with my kids and this new season of life? How do I move forward this school year? What do I want our week to look like?

My goal was for a slow and peaceful childhood. But something I didn't talk about was that I also want them to have to work some struggle muscles. Some of the reason I chose a more traditional, curriculum based homeschool model (over radical unschooling or whatever) is that I want my kids to realize not everything worth having in life is going to feel easy or fun. I want to work those struggle muscles and for them to see that they can do hard things. I want them to have self-discipline that not everything is all about them or easy breezy, feel good fun.  I want them to have the experience of  navigating something arbitrary and distasteful and having new skills or understanding because of it. Not to create hardship for the sake of hardship but to develop their character and help them have some recall to draw from into adulthood.

I need to find the balance between wanting them to dig in for the joy of learning something they're passionate about. And understanding that sometimes you just need to buckle down and memorize stuff so you have it handy and can use it in other ways throughout your life. Like maybe we need to incorporate math drills and maybe they need to write that paper on Louis & Clark or book report on Sarah Plain and Tall because it works "muscles" in both their character and brain. I may not align with any single educational method but I don't feel that I've gone completely awry in some of my more arbitrary requirements of them. I just struggle to teach or require the arbitrary because I struggle to teach things like they do in school. I was never good at school! 

Old pic, that's Joy4 (now almost 6) standing on the chair

So what does that mean for our school week this coming year? What do I need to do to ground us? What do I want them to learn? What do I want us to gain in this year? How can I use school as a source of connection and balance the arbitrary with the joy? What do I want our days to look like? What actually works with the real flow of our schedule and our family's lifestyle? 

I don't know. 

Schedule-wise I know the kids do best when I'm up and ready to go by 8a.m. and that's more doable now that I'm generally getting decent sleep. I'm usually awake and drinking my coffee by 7:30. 

Things that I don't enjoy about our school days previously have been: having 2-4 kids waiting on me to help them with questions. I do not enjoy bopping from kid to kid while someone acts out in the background (because they've been waiting 15 minutes and can't move on) or the boys start fighting or making tons of noise. I leave each school day frazzled and feeling grumpy because it was 2-4 hours of chasing my tail while I try to help them answer stupid questions in the text I wasn't assigned to read. I'm a bit bitter about the last school year or two in particular if you can't tell. 

Hard to believe this baby is starting 1st grade...but he's been the main source of the chaos the last 6 years!

I have come to dread school because it's just this constant relentless chaos of questions and drama and kids at loose ends and me struggling not to snap at the same behaviors we've dealt with 229 times already that week. 

So that's not working for me. 

How can I manage this better? What do I want the days to look like? 

What's worked best is to set aside an hour for each kid in the day and that's their hour to do their focused school with me. We go into my bedroom with their school basket and they get that hour with me all to themselves. But I do not have an hour to give anymore! I won't ever use a curriculum that require a full hour or my holding their hand. What would work even better is if I focused on explaining the next day's assignments to them so that they could get started earlier the next day and know what they need help with when it comes to their turn and time with me. We can bop those issues right off and be more efficient and focused. 

So what would my ideal day be this year?

My ideal  school day would be...

7:30: Wake up by then at the latest
7:30-8:00 coffee and quiet time
8:00 get breakfast together...bake the muffins, make the pancakes..make sure the smoothies.
8:30 chores...chickens, dog, cow...garden.
9:30ish Family Style Work: Read aloud, History read aloud and project. Science on the alternate days.
10:30 One on One  #1 I work for 30 minutes with AJ. She's usually the most anxious to get her work done and usually needs the most hand holding.
11:00: One on One  #2 I work 15-20 minutes with RJ she's usually at a place where she's looked everything over and has questions.
11:15 One on One  #3 I work for 30 minutes with PJ she's usually done everything she can, read her reading, done her math...and she needs help with language arts/grammar and maybe some math questions Her work usually doesn't take very long. 

And then this is the part of the day where everything falls apart. By lunch time I'm fried. It's been too much peopleing, so much thinking and questions and talking. I want a long break or I need to run errands or there are basic household things we've got to take care of ASAP...

Ideally we'd do...

Noon-ish. Lunch break  

12:30: One on One  #4 School with IF
1:00 Rest Time Mon Take RJ to Violin. 
2:00 Kids check off last of their chores before computers can be used. Friday Take RJ to violin

3:00 Free For All and Errands 

As far as a rhythm to our week? 

Mondays: RJ has Violin and currently every other Monday we have to drive down and get milk. Though that won't be an issue when we have the cow. 
Tuesday: Bread Baking. I need to teach the kids how to do this. We could focus on a baking project on Tuesdays.

Wednesday: It could be library day, we were doing Thursday but middle of the week would work better. 
Thursday: Bread baking day
Friday: Homeschool Park Meet ups  11-2 and then RJ has violin 2:30-4:30

Reading all that it makes sense why I'm tired. I think I have a better picture of what I want to do so that's good. Next post I need to work through exactly what curriculum we're going to use and how I hope to use it....Later. 

What DO I Do Well?

 

I'm trying to figure out what we're doing this school year. I've been reflecting on what has worked and what hasn't and feeling overwhelmed. I only have 5 more years of schooling Joy1, the reality that we're staring high school is really hitting me hard. 

I'm not a teacher. It's not a strength of mine to be honest and I'm looking at the fruit of homeschooling so far and on paper, well I'm just not sure. 

On paper my kids are all over the place, way ahead in some areas and way behind in others. That's normal for homeschooled kids but it's hard not to start comparing or feeling like a failure because I certainly do not have college level middle schoolers. I've never stuck to a curriculum perfectly. I hate making them do things that feel arbitrary but are the "right" thing. I waffle and worry. I kept having babies which threw a wrench in everything for a full year afterwards. I can be very consistent for myself and personal habits but when it means motivating others to do the same I'm at a loss. I don't know how to set us up for success or how to have a consistent school day or schedule...Things always seem to derail everything.  

When I set out to homeschool I wanted to offer my kids a real childhood. I didn't want them being trained to be good little students who could ace a test and get gold stars. I didn't want them gone 40+ hours a week and spending their entire growing up years away from our family. I didn't want their days full and rushed, I didn't want them to be in a constant state of stress and compression.

 I wanted them to be able to play, to curl up with books and get lost for hours at a time. I wanted them to be playing outdoors for hours on end with friends, getting muddy in the creek, playing in the snow and rain. I wanted to take nature walks with them and enjoy the gifts to be found in each season. I wanted them to find what they love and dig in and learn all about it. I wanted them to make mud pies, learn to garden and cook. I wanted them to be free. 

And looking back over the last 9 years I think we have done so much of that. I haven't ever stuck to a schedule. I haven't checked off every box I planned to scratch. But I know that freedom and time is what I've given them and I feel so blessed that we've been able to do that. They do know how to learn and figure out stuff on their own and how to find help when they're stuck.  They know how to read, they love stories and books and learning. 

I was talking with a friend in PA during our visit and she was saying essentially how she was going to try to relax this school year, to let go of the book stuff and focus on relationships.  What she shared was really resonating with me. The idea of building a daily rhythm to ground our days is so very appealing. It's what has worked best for us in the past, between babies when I actually had the brain space and enough sleep to get it together. But I'm really worried about the book stuff. I feel like such a failure that my kids still struggle with basic multiplication and division. That they won't memorize anything (except random pages of Frances books and random passages of books that have nothing classical or meaningful about them) and I have never been able to get them to see why it's important. I had visions of my kids knowing bunches of Bible verses, Awana award winner types, spouting poetry, knowing all the presidents and tons of history facts. Classical Conversation Elite all the way. I want to look successful and don't want to be a cautionary tale of those horrible neglectful homeschoolers. Most of all want my kids to be prepared for the real world...I want my kids able to do what they want to do in life. I want them to be able to find the answers. I don't want them feeling frustrated that I didn't offer them opportunities to learn the things they'll need to be successful. 



But I don't think focusing on drilling concepts, trying to cover gaps in learning and focusing on where we lack is going to do it. It can't be the focus. 

Our amazing School Room

So what do I do well? What does the focus need to be? How do I build more connection and help them learn and discover?  No curriculum is going to do it. We've tried them all with varying success. I feel like it's often such a waste because I'm not a teacher and they're not great students. They see arbitrary things as the busy work that it is, they see the waste of time. They see the reality that it's so that I can feel I taught something and checked something off an arbitrary set of checkpoints. Most of them do not grasp concepts by doing worksheets and crosswords about them. They are all mostly kinetic learners, they learn best from doing real things and through creativity. They learn best when their imagination is involved. They learn best when they are asked to solve real life problems. 



So what DO I do well? I love a good story. I love finding resources that make history come alive. I love nature and feel that most of understanding of science that you could ever need can be learned through appreciating and slowing down and being curious when out in nature. I am good, when I slow down and let go of the To Do list, at helping them find the answers they are seeking. What is lightning? Why do trees have bark? What kind of sap is edible? How does rain work? What about rainbows? 



I am also realizing I've struggled so much the last few years because 1) I've had infant/toddlers and that's brutal for me energy-wise. 2) My older kids have moved out of the curiosity stage.  The under 8 crowd wants to know everything about everything and they have no qualms about asking a billion questions a week. I love that! My older kids don't really get curious about things that require a library trip to find books about wolves or volcanoes. We have covered those things. They are more into 3D modeling and drawing and things that require youtube and hours of practicing a new skill on their own. 

The shift into this new stage of life has been really difficult for me. I find it harder to connect. I can't just curl up and read with them or try a hands on project from scraps I dig up from the junk drawer and pantry. I did do those things for them. But now we're in a new season. Their Dad is stronger at the technical stuff and he's the one slogging through helping them problem solve and find resources to do what they want to do.  Also having such a wide range of ages has been a real challenge, I think we're getting to the age where I can do read aloud times with out the younger ones making it an absolutely miserable experience within 10 minutes. 

So my answer to what I can do well: I enjoy things with them. Nature walks. Looking things up. Reading out loud. Crafty projects. I don't enjoy baking but I can teach them how to cook and bake. 

So how do I transition in all of this? How do I grow with my kids and this new season of life? How do I move forward this school year? What do I want our week to look like?

Questions for another post...

Setting Goals

I want to make some changes. We've been drifting and surviving with the last 40+ days of "shelter in place" happening in our region. We're tired and drained and Hubby and I are trying not to stress, trying to just take life a day at a time.

But there are three small changes I want to make to how we function, three little intentional changes and I want to get back into some sort of school routine.

First change: I want my dining room table back!

Can you see that mess on the dining room table in the background?


I am going to remove the book shelf in the picture and I'm getting the three kids (who use their computers at the dining room table) individual desks. Two desks will be where that long desk is in the picture (it's a virtual image, I was trying on all sorts of desks on the amazon shopping app!) and one will be in the corner across the room.

I am really hoping giving each child an area to store their school stuff will help  and it will keep my dining room table clear for family meals. I plan on using these baskets (well bought locally)
on the shelf for each of them to store their school books and binder in so that it's all together in one place. They won't arrive for at least 2 weeks so that kind of stinks, but once they do I'm excited to get my dining room back!!!

Second Change
Everyone has an assigned seat at the table and everyone eats at the dining room table, no exceptions. We've gotten super lazy with this because the dining room table is almost always covered in computers and school stuff.  I want us to sit down and eat together and I want it to take less effort to happen.

Third Change: Daily Themes
I did this years ago and it was fantastic and I'm not sure why I stopped...Probably Joy4's arrival...a lot of things stopped when he arrived.

I need to think carefully about daily themes and keeping it workable given current events (like we can't have a Library day right now...but maybe some thing else). I think I will write another post on this subject another time. Right now a little 4 yo is asleep next to me and I need to go get the 1 year old to go to sleep too....More later!

Homeschool Joys...

I want to blog more, Sunny is 16 months old and the last 18 months since my last post have been...overwhelming. Everyone always said, "If you can have 3 kids you can have 10! It's just an extra plate." That seemed to hold true for 4 kids. I'm finding 5 kids to be a whole 'nother ball of wax and it's left me feeling a bit blindsided. Some of it is the ages and personalities of my kids...Actually that's a lot of it. We're smack dab in the Middle School transition and it's been a bit of a shock. Personalities that were mostly low key are doling out a lot of hormonal angst. Personalities that were never low key are hinting at the ride ahead and we're...trying to be intentional. Trying to keep learning the same lessons we've been trying to learn for the last decade. I'm so very tired.

He's a super sweet and happy bub though!

 I wanted to start blogging about our days...Homeschooling and how delight directed homeschooling melds and bends a bit in the middle school years. I don't want to teach my kids out of fear. I don't want to have some arbitrary list of things that they "just have to know because I say so."
I want them to really absorb what they're learning and have see the depth and practicality and life applications. This leaves me at odds in this funny in between place of not really being a traditional Homeschooler, not really being an official Unschooler, not really being fully "self-directed" or "delight driven" either. I want my kids to know the importance of pushing themselves to grasp hard things. That not everything in life feels good or is convenient. I feel like they are learning these lessons, being part of a larger family we ask them to contribute to the household in meaningful ways.

Requiring daily lessons doesn't have to mean fights and tears and lines drawn in the sand. Using a curriculum *can* be delight driven. Using different resources and requiring daily intention and progress doesn't automatically shut down all joy and "true learning".

I want to share how this works in our home. Joy in living life at home with Mishmash Homeschooling.