Sunny

Sweet Baby5, lovingly dubbed "Sunny" as it is a play on his actual name. His name has a part of sunshine in it, though it has a completely different meaning. How is that for a riddle?

9 years ago, if you would have told me that I would have 5 kids I would have panicked. I really don't enjoy being pregnant. I feel so introverted the more pregnant I get, I just want to curl up into myself and be left with my thoughts. Like the more baby crowds me, the less I want anything to do with the world's noise. The first few months I really don't enjoy feeling like I am going to puke all the time, though with Ziggy and Sunny the "morning sickness" was only really awful in the evenings, and it was manageable if I got a chance to lay down for a few hours in the afternoon. Which wasn't manageable with Sunny, thanks to after school care and going to school pick up in the September heat. It was pretty miserable.

I really don't enjoy feeling exhausted and this time I have felt the pull of all the big kids needs a lot more than I remember feeling with previous pregnancies. I remember with Ziggyfeeling like I was giving some thing important to our family in adding this siblings, that the lessons learned from a new baby are valuable and the give and take was worth it. The kids are bigger this time, I can't skip school (I mean we do, but I feel guilty) because I am sick and exhausted. Joy1 was 7 when I got pregnant with Ziggy, in some cultures she wouldn't even be in school yet, it wasn't a big deal to turn on some audio books and let the rest slide. I can't skip the violin lessons, the orthodontist appointments, juggling vision and dental care and dietary needs is a lot more to think about than it was 3 years ago.
I feel like this baby is a gift, but I also feel like I can't let the exhaustion cause me to drop the ball, they need me. Which means I am exhausted.
And the still find me like this any chance I have to lay down. Ziggy curled up next to me, my ferocious and ardent cuddle bear.

It has made crowding out the world a lot more difficult. Though I have tried. We've stayed home all winter, after an insanely stressful fall I called Operation Hibernation and we've been staying home a lot. I feel a bit bad hunkering down to the extreme that we have, but we've mostly enjoyed it.

Crowded life has also made it difficult to connect with the little one keeping me awake at night with his antics.
I like to take time to get a feel for my babies. With Joy1 I remember she was jumpy and fidgety. I felt kind of unsettled with her, maybe even a bit anxious. I was so sick when I was pregnant with her as well, the entire pregnancy was miserable. I loved her ferociously, and would do every thing in the world to be sure I was making the best choices for her- but I have definitely always had a hard time "settling" with her, feeling comfortable. It felt like once she weaned she always settled down for HubbyJoy better than she would for me. 

Joy2 was a powerhouse. I just remember all her movements were strong and rough and striking. I struggled with a lot of really awful personal stress and exhaustion when I was pregnant with her. My diet was abysmal and I felt horrible the entire pregnancy. She came roaring into our world and she had this deep intensity about her from day 1. She smiled from birth. She loved people. She was happy and sad with all her might and has been since the day she was born.

Joy3 I felt this peaceful snuggle bug. I remember I was around 5 months pregnant with her and reflecting on the feelings I got from her and it was just "snuggle me close and I am good" and that has been true for her up through now. Hold her close, let her know how cherished she is, she's good. She was happy if she had my arms. I am still really the only person on earth that can calm her down and get through to her when she's upset and "locks up".

Ziggy. He was just a joyball. I just felt how happy he was to be with us, to be in there and joining our world. All the way through I just kept feeling this sweetness. And he came out this sweet sensitive thinker. He is happy when he is with the people he loves, particularly his Mama.

Sunny, what do I feel about Sunny? His movements make me think of Joy2 but they are even stronger. They aren't quite as reactive as hers were (she seemed downright annoyed to be honest), he takes the poking and body slamming (Thank you, Ziggy) in stride. He seems more chill than Joy2 was.  But he does get worked up! He hears a noise when it has been quiet and he starts kicking and flipping out about it. Some one talks to him and he wakes up and starts moving all around. But he will also go for LONG periods where he sleeps, he's an active sleeper but it's not the intense "Oh my gosh! Are you going to break out????" movements that he pulls some times. The movie Alien? Some nights he hears Ziggy fuss and that stomach bursting depiction doesn't seem that far fetched.  He seems like he's going to be really chilled out about some things and then have these  "Oh my goodness where did THAT comes from?" moments.

I also love thinking about what clothes feel like him, is that weird? Probably. With Ziggy it was foxes and bears,  reds, and blues, and stripes. He really is like a little fox, so cute and sweet and a little bit of a stinker. And he growled like a baby bear as a newborn, constant loud growly grunts when he was happy or sad.

With Sunny I just keep seeing bright colors and black stripes and patterns, dinosaurs and elephants (there's a combination!). I am sure the season has some thing to do with it too! Ziggy was born near the Autumn and I was craving Autumn colors and themes. With Sunny I want bright and fresh and striking colors.

It will be interesting to see if my intuition is right about him or if he will come out surprising me.