A Beginning

Blogging seems kind of ...dead. I know there are a lot of blogs out there, popular blog, blogs with hundreds and thousands of readers a day. It seems though that so much of it is run by social media and that's just not really my thing. Don't get me wrong, I waste as much time as the next person scrolling through Facebook, laughing at stupid posts, sending hugs to friends having a rough day, making connections outside my home in private groups.

I haven't blogged much since Baby Four arrived 2.5 years ago. I used to use blogger to document snippets of family life for posterity but I mostly use Facebook for memory keeping now (and the options of downloading whole Timelines into Memory books, which I plan to do one of these days, really!).

The thing is, I do need the outlet, a space to think about stuff - regardless of who reads it. This is probably the worst time I could possibly take on a new blog, Baby Five is due in less than 2 months and there is so much to do between now and then!

Life is very full, just keeping every one fed and alive and the basics of life feels like a full time job. I have been thinking about relationships in my life, relationships with in my family, and being intentional about the choices I make in fostering relationships. Being intentional about what I take on and commit to. I have been thinking about the shift I feel as my bigger kids get older and we start quickly sliding towards middle school and puberty. I have been thinking about this shift to Baby Five and how hard it has been this time to find time to connect with him. How hard it has been to even wrap my head around the fact that in a blink I will have his sweet smelling head tucked against my cheek. I will be up nursing again at night. I will be doing the teething thing again. And all in the midst of that I am going to still be juggling the midst of "this". This life is big.

Add to it that there are so many "shoulds" pushing and pulling us, we should be getting involved here, or we should be doing more of that, especially when it comes to homeschooling. We're closing in on the end of our 5th year of homeschooling and I am starting to feel those "shoulds" and pressure more than ever, my oldest will be in 5th grade next year. How can I best prepare her? Am I giving her enough to stretch her wings and take on some personal responsibility and independence?  She's such an amazing individual, and I never know with her how hard I should be pushing her, or where I need to wait and let her work things out in her own time. I mostly lean towards waiting with her, she's a slow bloomer and that's okay. But am I doing her a disservice, is she too comfortable? I won't even touch the other side of the spectrum that is Child Two. That girl! She is the catalyst to so much that drives this family, and that's okay but a post of it's own!

I need a space, a corner of the internet to make some space for joy. To focus on my personal goals.

How can I do that? What are those goals? How do they align with my convictions for my family? What exactly are those convictions? I hope to kind of start chipping away at those in the next few posts.

Baby 4 (really, a great big toddler) is waking from his nap and I don't know how much more time I will have to write before he wakes up and wants to be the soul focus of my attention, he's good like that. He doesn't take distracted Mama when it comes to after nap snuggles.

More later...